By: Julian Benjamin

Love is a beautiful thing that most of us are not equipped with knowing how to maintain, but only attain. So after you meet, date, commit to a relationship and the honeymoon stage passes you’re now introduced to each other in a brand new way. The first time you see each other beyond the rose gold lenses. We are all much more than the person in the relationship but also built by all the things before the relationship. All of life’s journeys, battles, triumphs, worries, strengths, insecurities, past relationships, family influence comes into the relationship too.

You find an attraction to all that they are. You find yourself confused just as well by all that they are, I think it’s time we start to dig deeper when dating. We ask ourselves, what does it take to really get to know all that makes the person? What makes them beyond what you think they are made for when it comes to family upbringing? I’ve learned this plays a key role in the factors we may not understand about each other. The process alone of revealing oneself probes a high amount of vulnerability. In that moment you are not only allowing someone in beyond the superficial, but getting your first glimpse of how they handle who you truly are. Do they respond with positivity? Do they want to learn more? Are they interested in knowing more? Are they bored? Have we considered reciprocity in relationships?

Most of us come from different backgrounds. You’re either the first born, middle child, the baby or maybe the only child. You may come from a one parent home, two parents, or even step-parent home. You may have been adopted, searching for the other parent, or raised by grandparents. All of these elements play a part in who we are as well. The roles we’ve played most of our lives are a reflection of the roles we play today. We all grow constantly and heal continuously but there is a reason your partner learned a lesson the way they did. There may be a reason they are more defensive in certain areas and patient in others. Before coming from a place of not understanding in frustration, it's time we take a look to understand past what our eyes see and our egos walk away from.

As we have entered in explaining to others that “Black Lives Matter”, how deep do we go with this concept in our own homes? We must really protect the mental and emotional experiences of our partners as we wish to protect the physical safety of others. This is how we truly bond, repair, build and find what most think no longer exists with authentic love. There is no exact science to building the right relationship foundation. However, we can make sure we utilize the tools that are right in front of us to create bonds that allow you to grow together, no matter the status of the relationships we experience throughout life.